Organised crime gangs up and down the island of Ireland are celebrating today (January 4th) as alcohol makes a huge splash in its return to the black market. This is after the introduction of minimum unit pricing for alcohol which sets the cost of alcohol being to a minimum of 10cent per gram of alcohol. Under the new measures a bottle of wine (750ml @12% alcohol) can be sold for no less than €7.10 I know for myself that this is going to slightly impact the shopping bill as maybe once or twice a month we would but a bottle of cooking wine for €3.99 to use for stews or making pepper sauce. So that’s an extra €6.20 my family has to pay on top of the fuel increases, energy increases, sugar increases, and so many other increases we faced for the “greater good” of society apparently.

So while my family and many others are being punished financially we see no benefit to our health as none of us are abusing alcohol. Those who are abusing alcohol are going to suffer even more now as the little money they had for food is going to become even less. Many who suffer with alcoholism could be pushed to commit crimes to now fund the growing cost of their addiction or else they will source for more risky places like the black-market.

The only people seen to be benefiting here are the organised crime gangs that welcome this new policy and the stores in the north of Ireland close to the border who will now see an uptick in their sale of alcohol. I got to chat with a member of the well known crime family the “O’ Hutchahans” on the introduction of this policy and what it means to their trade on the black-market.

I asked what he thought of the new policy of minimum unit pricing and he said “My great grandad lived in the US during alcohol prohibition and he told me of all the money he made selling it and all of the good times he had with the gangs shooting up rivals in turf wars. Now I get to follow in his foot steps here in Ireland thanks to this new policy and my families dedication to voting Fine Gael . Thanks to our buddy TD Simon Harris I have turned two old bathtubs I used to use for dog baths into brewers in my shed and a farmer down the road said he can get me some more. After I make some money of the first batch of hooch I plan to make a better shed as the one I’m in now is damp and moldy. I think the mold in the air adds some extra flavor to the beer but once I get the moonshine going I will need a bigger cleaner space.”

When this gang member was asked what training/experience he had for brewing alcohol he said “I didn’t even do my junior cert, I learned how to brew while in prison after I was caught with a gun on the way to threaten some teenager who owed me money for the weed he was selling for me. The dope got caught with with 5 ounces by the cops and thought he didn’t have to pay me for them. That’s not how it works and the kids I have working for me now know better.”

I then asked about the kids he had working for him & how much they got paid and he laughed saying “We don’t even pay them they pay us. We give them the drugs and they sell them. Like the kid with the 5 ounces . He got them at €200 an ounce and could sell them easily for €300 . This kid at 14 was making almost €2K a week and was splashing the cash out on fancy gear. Its funny because it was his Canada goose jacket that got him searched when he was caught with the 5ounces. He was crying to me before we gave him a few slaps saying the cops took all his money and that’s why he couldn’t pay but I told him that’s your problem not mine. Once his mam seen him bloodied up and heard our family name she quickly got the money from her credit union book.”

I asked if he had any sympathy for those who were addicted to drink and he said “The addicts give us a steady stream of income and sometimes they bring in some nice goods that they steal to clear their debts to us. I look forward to the stream of income that we will get from the alcohol addicts and hopefully they will have better taste in what they steal. The fellas addicted to heroin are always stealing the most random of shit. One guy was trying to swap me a dress for deal of heroin”.

He then went on to say “We do show them some compassion we have a scheme where the addicts give us their dole card and we give them a tab in exchange. We then meet them once a week to collect payment at the local posty (post office). That’s a service an addict would of never got from an off licence. Those off licences only care about rules and stuff, at least with us if you are a teenager we wont just sell ya alcohol we will give ya a job selling it.”

He then finished the interview saying that he wants to make sure that all the criminals in Ireland “continue to vote Fine Gael or Fianna Fail” as their policies are making them richer. He heard they plan on banning the sale of tobacco someday to which can only happen if people keep voting for Fine Gael and Fianna Fail.

Disclaimer : The “O’ Hutchahans are a made up crime family to represent the existing crime families who will benefit from this new policy much like they have benefitted from the prohibition of Cannabis and other drugs.